Dark Clouds on the Horizon

Amar B. Shrestha

The pessimistic mood continues; worse, it’s become retrospective and reflective, which means nights of insomnia, disagreements with others, less productive use of time, and hours and hours of watching Netflix TV series like Narcos, The Disguiser, Rookie Agent Rouge, and All Quiet on the Peking Front. Note that these are not your usual run-of-the-mill shows; all are based on some iota of truth and history. Except for the first, the other three are Chinese serials, with the massive shadow of Mao and Zhou always hovering in the background, although they are not there at all. Whatever the case may be, their mindboggling twists and turns and heavy dose of serious stuff keep my currently brooding mind suitably occupied.

Of course, it’s not long before it again falls back into retrospection, and watching Osho’s hypnotic eyes and gestures as he expounds on his extraordinarily original ideas further adds fodder to the glowing embers of reflection. Yes, that’s what I have been doing besides watching Netflix serials; listening for hours to Osho. It is only natural, I guess, to seek answers when in such a mood. That’s the worst thing about retrospection and reflection, they never provide answers, they only make you more confused and disgruntled. But, then, neither do the sages and the scriptures, all they do is point a finger towards the moon. That is, a way forward for you to discover the answers by yourself.

Perhaps a miniscule few get to reach the moon, but fact is, the journey is more interesting than the destination itself. Once you set out on this path, you’ll be surely gaining a tremendous amount of insight and understanding; so it’s worth a ride, I would say. At the same time, it is also true that you’ll be further immersed in a growing sea of more retrospection and reflection. Meaning, it’s back to where you started; however, this time around, you get a better view of the larger picture, which is a great leap forward, right? No more floundering in strange waters.

Well, reading all this heavy stuff, you know why I said that the pessimistic mood continues. An optimist can make light of any situation, no matter how serious (the half-full glass versus the half-empty glass analogy), while the pessimistic one will dwell and ponder over every tiny detail around the issue at hand, finding plenty to be worried about. And, that’s how I have been feeling for some time now. Doubtless, it’s a completely individual statement, and will not apply to others (provided they are in the right frame of mind—belly, full, and the wallet, heavy).

But, then, I am forced to reflect—it is either insensibility, or insensitivity, that makes people see the glass as half-full. Who in his right mind believes that things are fine today? Just take a drive around town—endless lines in front of the U.A.E. embassy, waiting for a visa, and equally endless lines at the police office in Ranipokhari, seeking a police character certificate. These are just tips of the almost insurmountable problems plaguing the country for a long time now. So, please excuse me for being pessimistic, and allow me to wallow in retrospection and reflection.